31 January 2007

NEWS FLASH!
KL Tower attacked by giant mons pubis

KUALA LUMPUR: At approximately 4:30pm yesterday, a giant mons pubis was seen descending from the sky and onto our beloved KL Tower.

CELESTIAL: The Giant Mons Pubis, as seen from Jalan Parlimen.


Not much is known about this strange phenomenon apart from the huge commotion it caused in downtown KL. Most residents didn't know what to make of it, though some were enraged by such a divine gesture.

"It's not right," says A. Isohunt, 51.

"While I do believe in freedom of expression, I think that this is rather tasteless. I had to cover my childrens' eyes all the way to the taxi stand when I walked out of the department store."

An atheist since the age of 5, Isohunt conceded that the giant mons pubis did however prove the existence of God.

"Who else could've done it?" he asked.

Whether or not the religious bodies in Malaysia would come to a similar conclusion, the fact is that the majority of Malaysians in the capital weren't offended by the giant mons pubis at all.

"Actually, I quite liked it," said Steven Patrick, 21.

"Since it's visit Malaysia Year 2007, we could use more attractions such as this."

Patrick claimed that he stood outside his office to gawk at the huge extra-terrestrial structure for more than an hour, claiming he had never seen a mons pubis before. He also pondered over the whole significance of the giant celestial being attacking an erect, rigid structure.

The event ended barely 3 minutes after the mons pubis was first sighted. Onlookers said that the wasn't any visible signs of destruction though various people were heard shouting "What, done already?"

24 January 2007

When Photoshoppers have too much time...

Amidst the Photoshopping work at, erm... work, I had a bit of time to do this:



Now laugh, damn you... LAUGH!

22 January 2007

Jun Kit: the ultimate Mat Rocker

Karaoke is cool!

I managed to catch one of Jun Kit's classic renditions of Fantasia Bulan Madu (A fantastic song performed by Malay rock band Search and written by M. Nasir) on video.

And thanks to the wonders of technology (i.e. YouTube), now you can see this performance in the comfort of your office cubicle.

It should be noted that Jun Kit sings this song better than 90% of the Malay population. In fact, we believe that Jun Kit is more Malay than Hanif (pictured in the background). We also believe that Hanif is gay, but that's a different story altogether.

All that's missing is the long hair and tight jeans...

Enjoy :)

    Note: Make sure your speakers aren't at maximum volume! You'll go DEAF!!!


19 January 2007

EXCLUSIVE: Apple iPhone review

Yes... thanks to the many connections I have with the IT industry, I was able to get hold of an iPhone - the first in Malaysia!

Well, an origami version, actually... (Go to Gizmodo for more info) But since the real thing won't be out till June, this will have to do. And since it's to scale, I believe we can provide a rather accurate review of Apple's revolutionary new product.

First of all, we start with the packaging:


The iPhone comes on a single sheet of A4 paper, with convenient cutout lines. A pair of scissors are required. Whilst easy to assemble, I find it appalling that an Apple product would require any sort of self-assembly. Should've worked right out of the box...


After folding the iPhone together, I marvelled at its 3.5in static inkjet display. The much-hyped Multi-touch screen by Apple didn't seem to be as responsive as I'd hope. But on the bright side, the iPhone weighs just 7 grams, which is about 1/153 the weight of a 20GB iPod. Well done, Apple!

And unlike the iPod, the iPhone seems rather scratch resistant too.

As a phone, the iPhone rocks! The reception is fantastic, with a continuous full bar from Maxis no matter where I was - even in underground carparks, elevators and stuff. In spite of the excellent reception, I wasn't able to make any calls. In fact, the date and time seemed to be stuck too, which is a bit of a problem. However, I'm sure that Apple's engineers will sort these little gremlins out.

Below the iPhone, there's the usual iPod dock connector, though this one seems a bit bigger. While it seemed to fit with my old iPod USB cables, docked speakers and other stuff, it wasn't able to sync properly. Even after installing the latest version of iTunes, I still couldn't get it to work. Sheesh... Once again, I'm sure it'll all be sorted out.

Aha... if you thought it was just an iPod, a phone and a breakthrough Internet communications device, I'll have you know that the iPhone has a 2-megapixel camera too! While I'm sure the optics are of first-class quality, there seems to be a problem with the viewfinder, which always shows a clownfish no matter where I point the iPhone.

But at least it's a very sharp looking clownfish with good colours and automatic exposure - better than anything else I've seen in the market (like those Nokia N-series things). Excellent job, Apple. Best looking clownfish shots... EVER!



And of course, the iPhone also raises your sex appeal by about 362%. Don't worry about picking up girls in bars - let the girls come to you! With an iPhone, every girl between 18 and 30 years will want to have your children. Really.

Conclusion
Whilst I'm very impressed with the iPhone, I can't help but feel that Apple rushed this product out to get a head start in front of the competition. And then, there's the problem with it creasing whenever I put it into my pockets. But who cares... it's an iPhone. It's cool. Everybody wants one. Get one today :)

Pros: Light, excellent battery life, superb high-resolution screen, perfect reception.
Cons: None of the advertised functions work.

18 January 2007

Quote of the day



"Yes, papaya can cause impotence...

because you'll be too busy shitting."
- Ronald Byrne

06 January 2007

Frost your gear!!!

If you happen to be rich and slightly tasteless at the same time (seems pretty common these days), here's another great way to burn up your daddy's hard-earned ringgit.

Some company called MyFrost is offering a rather weird service - pay them dollops of cash, bring along your phone/iPod/notebook to meet with their consultants and they'll completely sheath it in pretty Swarovski crystals... Hundreds of them.




So yes, it'll probably cost you an arm and half a torso. If you like this sort of stuff, then good for you.

What's rather hilarious, though, is the company's website (http://www.myfrost.com.my/) - Or rather, its FAQ page, which is the most childish, attitude-filled FAQ I've ever read!

Examples include:




    1. WATCH OUT COPYCATS!

    Although we're not the first in the world to invent the crystallizing of gadgets, we are the first to enter the Malaysian market. We noticed that some of our "lesser known" competitors have been spotted biting our style and studding gadgets in a way similar to ours. Our policy regarding this is clear: We WILL NOT repair work done by other companies. We stand behind our work 100% but cannot be responsible for shoddy jobs done by others. Quality and innovation speaks for itself. Don't settle for imitations....choose My Frost.



Really? "Lesser known"...? I haven't even heard of MyFrost in the first place! And while its ok for them to copy a style from another country, it is apparently uncool for other people to do the same.

"Shoddy jobs" done by others? So does that imply that MyFrost's works are indestructible?

I think not... they tell you how they use some special bonding process to fix the crystals onto your gear, and later tell you to simply use superglue to fix the stuff back if they fall off. Observe:

    6. DO THE CRYSTALS STAY ON?

    Yes. We have a customized bonding process that insures maximum hold. Since they are applied one at a time, they each have their own bond.


And

    7. WHAT HAPPENS IF THE CRYSTALS COME OFF?

    We enclose a small pack of extra stones with each order in case one or two comes off. Just a drop of super glue and all is well.
    For major emergencies, we do offer a repair service. Remember, they are lead crystal - drop it on the pavement, throw it in the heat of an argument - it isn't our fault. Just call for an estimate on your specific repair.




Classic... :)


Sheesh... I feel so bitchy now. Need to take a shower...

    P.S: If you happen to be from MyFrost and are reading all this at the moment, I do apologise if you feel like tearing my head off. But you can't, so nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah :P


    In any case, do grow up.

    04 January 2007

    The Ultimate Guide to Chinese Weddings

    Welcome to The Occasional Mumble's ULTIMATE Guide to Chinese Wedding ceremonies. Unlike most other weddings, Chinese Weddings involve a lot of fun, games and lots of tea.

    We start of by arriving at the bride's house:


        Date: 23 Dec 2006
        Time: 8:30am
        Place: Somewhere in front of Mei Hoon's house

    Normally the groom has to arrive at the bride's house to collect her. And normally, the groom will be armed with a group of heng tai - tall, muscular, well-hung men (mostly the groom's friends and male cousins).

    The heng tai are supposed to provide support to the groom and aid him in the trials that await him at the grooms house. Good heng tais will offer to draw fire away from the groom. Smarter heng tai often stand at the back and laugh at the groom.

    Once at the bride's front door, the bride's chee mui (the female equivalent of the magnificent heng tai) will demand for money - a toll - before the groom and his excellent heng tai are allowed inside.

    Jun Kit:"Open the door... please!"


    At this juncture, the chee mui and heng tai will engage in vigorous negotiations, normally with the chee mui asking for more money and the heng tai haggling to give less than half the asking price.


    Aloy: "Eh, you think 50 ringgit enough, arr...?"

    Once the chee mui are satisfied with the payment, the groom and heng tai are granted passage into the bride’s house. However, they are not allowed to meet the bride yet.

    Instead, the groom and heng tai have to undergo a series of trials set by the the chee mui. These trials are often derogatory and painful in nature:

    Such as eating Cili Padi

    And sucking milk from a teat.


    Sometimes, one of the heng tai will join in the suckling...

    ...While others completely relieve the groom of potential suffering (this heng tai has offered to eat Wasabi on behalf of the groom).

    But as we've mentioned before, the more intelligent heng tai will sit at the back of the room to avoid embarrassment.


    Once the groom and his courageous heng tai have passed all the trials, they are allowed to see the bride.

    CHAAAAAARGE!!!

    Jun Kit: "Hallo darling... *muaks*"
    Mei Hoon: "Eh... why you smell so funny one?"


    After the dust has settled, the bride and groom serve tea to the brides parents and relatives. This is also known as the cham char or tea ceremony. This is largely considered to be the highlight of the wedding ceremony, welcoming the groom into the bride's family.

    Jun Kit: "Aunty, drink... MOM!!! Mother! Yes, mother! Drink this."

    Once that's over, the bride is bundled into the wedding car and brought to the groom's house to meet her new in-laws.

    Mei Hoon: "If you show anyone this photo, I'll kill you...! Byeeeee!!!"


    VROOOOOOOM....!!!

    Once the couple arrives at the groom's house, there is a second tea ceremony - this time to welcome the bride into the groom's family.

    Mei Hoon: "Drinklah, uncle... DAD!!! I mean 'dad', haha..."


    Group photo's are cool!

    And with that ends the morning session. This is followed by a wedding dinner reception in the evening. It normally starts with a cocktail party where the guests mingle with each other and have light, friendly conversation among friends.

    There will be very smartly dressed men...

    ...and some lovely ladies (Eh, what's Jacky doing here? - Aloy)

    A friendly gesture at a photographer

    Some guests will spend their time sampling the various snacks...

    Eventually, the guests are seated for the couple's grand entrance, which marks the beginning of the dinner.
    Jun Kit: "Wah, this is very grand horr?"
    Mei Hoon: "Yes, it is."

    Jun Kit: "Weddings are cool! I give it two thumbs up!"

    Throughout the course of the dinner, there will be crass speeches from the groom's father, cake cutting, a Powerpoint presentation, champagne fountains and the usual toasting ceremony.

    "YAAAAAAAAAAAAA..."

    The next highlight would be the table-to-table drinking sessions, where the groom goes from table to table, having drinks with various guests. This is considered one of the highlights of the evening.

    Jun Kit: "Eh, I thought water beats stone? I drink again, arr?"

    And that's how a Chinese wedding is held. A big pat on the back for Jun Kit for bagging himself a fantastic wife and a big thumbs up to Mei Hoon for stumbling across our big, friendly giant. Congrats and all the best, you two! :)


    I wonder who's getting married next, then...


    Suraya: "Eh! Stop it lah, bang..."
    Hanif: " ! "

    Weddings are cool :)

    03 January 2007

    The Tip of Borneo...

    This is the Tip of Borneo, located at the Northernmost tip of Sabah. Apparently, the local government didn't know about this place until fairly recently.

    And when they realised the enormous potential financial gains from an remote, untouched, tourist spot, they decided to build some sort of monument and to erect a flag to remind people that this is, in fact, Malaysia.

    And this ball-shaped thing here is the Nip of Borneo...

    The thing is, the local government forgot to include shops, malls, hotels and other stuff to reap the benefits of such a tourist spot, which is GOOD!!! I hate it when you go to some nice holiday destination and end up being bugged to death by people selling glass paperweights with little crabs stuck inside them.

    And here are a couple of tourists from the mainland, still charmed by the quaintness of it all.


    And this here is the tip itself! Head north from here, and you'll end up in Taiwan or something...

    And to spice things up a bit, there are a small collection of funky rock formations by the shoreline.

    One thing nice about TTOB (The Tip of Borneo), is the really nice, empty beach next to it. So far, nobody's thought of corrupting the area with some tasteless beach resort. The water's really clean too - can use to brush your teeth!!!



    Wanton acts of violence...
    Adrian: "Kick!"
    Michelle: "Aaargh!"



    Yes, this is the Tip of Borneo. Visit it now. It's a 3-hour drive from Kota Kinabalu but I'm sure that any Sabahan with a 4x4 (i.e. all of them) would know how to get there - and would happily drive you there too!

    Sabahans are nice.