Silence, it can be stunning.

I was driving home just a couple of hours ago (around midnight) when it occurred to me that my car was being uncharacteristically silent. You see, it's normally a hell of a noisy beast when on the move - the slightest of surface undulations would normally send the car flying off at a tangent, resulting in all manner of squeaks, creaks and very worrying, metallic sounding "Clunk!" sounds. Oh, and they seemed to have forgotten to attach the suspension when it was on the assembly line.

So yes, it's put together like a typical Italian car. Which meant that it should've been really noisy considering that most of the roads leading to my house are dotted with small craters attempting to pass off as potholes.

But no. There was absolute silence. It was like a magic carpet ride.

The reason, of course, was that the potholes were no longer there. And the reason for that, of course, is that the roads have been paved. ALL of them.

And the reason that ALL of the roads have been paved is because the general elections are just around the corner and the federal government needs to show that it's actually running the country properly.

And to show that it is indeed running the country properly, they've decided to pave all the roads with glistening, fresh, black tarmac. Mmmmmm...

Never mind that the crime rate is soaring, that inflation is slowly turning my 50 ringgit notes into small change, and that for some reason, it has become socially acceptable for you to thrust a sword into the air during a political party general assembly while screaming some sort of battle cry - as long as our roads are paved, we're happy.

Now this is actually a good thing. I recently spent over 600 ringgit repairing my suspension (turns out there was one after all) after several years of driving into inverted speed bumps.

Want better roads? Vote for this guy!

But here's the thing.

The roads are only paved about once every five years, which coincides with the general elections (held every five years or so). Which is a problem because the roads normally deteriorate into the rut-infested variety after two years, which leaves us with about three years of shitty roads.

This means, of course, that unless we have general elections every two years we aren't going to get freshly paved roads every two years.

Which means, of course, that we must somehow get the government to hold general elections every two years.

And to do that, we must... must... erm... well you know. Yeah.










Sorry, but that's about as far as I thought. I do like the freshly paved roads, though.

World's greatest comb-over

Going bald? No problem - all you need is a hairdryer, a hairbrush, some hair wax and shitloads of patience (i.e. about 40 minutes of your time) to transform yourself from spud to stud...



Brilliant stuff, this.

I touched it!!!

Look what I got my grubby hands on today:

Hmm... shiny phone you've got there... hang on!


It's an iPhone!!! A real one! Not some origami thingy!


Yes, my sex appeal has gone up by 3.142%.

I am now God's gift to a woman again... (yes, that's singular, not plural)

Nando's: well-hung

The Nando's giant ebony rooster mascot was doing its rounds in 1-Utama. Childish/Clever captions ensue.. hur! hur! ^_^

"Look, it's a big black COCKeral"


OR

"Look, it's a young Asian girl with a big black COCKerel coming from behind!"

I wonder if anyone at Nando's thinks the same about this?

Wheee...!!! I feel so childish! :)

You've got the Touch

This is some video we made at work (yes, we have to do videos now). The device you see here is the HTC Touch - an iPhone-like PDA that runs on Windows Mobile.

Click To Play

Just posting it here to test this YouTube-like service called Blip.TV. It's quite cool and - unlike YouTube - it automatically generates video podcasts with RSS, so people can subscribe to your videos.

Haven't had much experience with it but so far, it's good.

Saving money...

I live approximately 200m from my office (literally on the same street), which is walking distance except that my house is up a hill (about 50ft elevation or so), which means that - while walking to my office is easy - coming home will be tiring as hell since I have to climb back up the hill (Which I've tried before, so I know).


However, I have devised an ingenious plan to get to the office and back without having to drive, walk or cycle:


1. All I have to do is walk out of my house and hail a taxi at the traffic lights (while it's still red).
2. Once the taxi is moving, I tell him I want to go to Penang (which is like a five-hour drive north).
3. The driver will tell me I'm crazy.
4. I'll then tell the driver to take me back to my house.
5. The driver will then tell me to eat shit and die.
6. He'll drop me off at the end of the street - where my office is.

^_^

I figure I can probably get away with this a couple of times before they start to catch on.

The problem, though, is in coming back home (which is uphill). From my office, there's way too many exits and stops on the way back to my house. Sigh...

The ultimate diet Coke shootout.

I’m addicted to Coke (the soft drink, not the white powder that you ingest through your nostrils).

I’ve been drinking Coke ever since I learnt how to operate a bottle opener (about the age of 4), and have been regularly drinking the shit at least twice a day for the past 24 years.

When I was in university, I drank Coke as a substitute for coffee – to wake me up in the mornings as I drag myself to the lecture theatres.

During the season of Lent, I abstain from Coke as a form of fasting. So yes, I do like Coke very very much.

The problem, however, is that I’m getting rather rotund and have grown a second chin.

Coke contains loads of calories, which means that the more I drink it, the more of a fat ass I’ll become. This is especially since I’m approaching 30 and my metabolic rate isn’t what it used to be. And so, I’ve embarked on a task to find the ideal alternative low-calorie Coke.

Coke and its sugar-free friends...

Coke contains about 42 Calories (or 42kcal) per 100ml, which is a lot. Let’s see how the alternatives measure up…

Coke Light
Calories: 0.3 kcal per 100ml
Price: between RM1.40 to RM1.70 per 325ml can
Availability: Almost anywhere you can also find regular coke.

Coke Light: It's not shit.

Well, this is the most obvious choice for Coke lovers – it’s by the same guys who make Coke and is easily available. Some places price it at RM0.10 more per can than regular Coke, which is evil.

Unfortunately, it does taste rather different – kinda like a cross between original Coke and Dr Pepper (yuck) but with a very strong artificially sweetened taste. You’ll get used to it eventually though it’ll never replace the real thing.


Diet Coke Caffeine Free
Calories: 0.5 kcal per 100ml
Price: RM4.90 per 330ml can
Availability: Cold Storage supermarkets

Diet Coke Caffeine Free: It's shit

It comes in a golden can and costs an arm and a leg (since it’s imported from the UK). But is it any better than Coke Light? Sadly, no.

Not only does it still have the artificial taste, the absence of caffeine means that it doesn’t give you that extra buzz in the morning – to get you and your bowels going. Don’t waste your money on this rubbish.


Coke Zero
Calories: 0.5 kcal per 100ml
Price: RM4.90 per 330ml can
Availability: Cold Storage supermarkets

Coke Zero: the almost Coke

Now here’s something different! Kinda like Coke Light but with the promise of the original Coke taste, Coke Zero is the real deal and almost tastes as good as original Coke.

There’s only a hint of that artificial sweetener taste, though it’s mostly masked by the other flavours that create that distinctive Coke taste.

Unfortunately, it’s also RM4.90 a can because it’s imported all the way from the UK. But if you’re filthy rich and need a Coke without the calories, this is the drink for you.


Conclusion
Even though Coke Zero tastes fantastic, its high price is bound to turn away even the most dedicated of Coke drinkers. Which means that most of us will still have to settle for the second best product – Coke Light. Sigh.

Of course, there is another evil option: Pepsi Max or Pepsi Light!

Sugar-free Pepsi: As evil as sin, but tastes rather good...

Yes, Pepsi is evil but for some reason, its sugar-free cola offerings are closer in taste to the company’s original full-flavoured Pepsi. I’ve only drunk Pepsi Light or Pepsi Max when I didn’t have any other choice, though I have to admit that I’m quite impressed by the taste.

So I guess it’s down to two choices if you’re on a budget: settle for sub-par Coke Light or drink Pepsi Light/Max and shoot yourself later.

Brought to you by the letter "F"

The plant species of the day is:

The FARKleberry
(pronounced "Far kel berry", not "Fark le berry")

Definition from Wikipedia:
Vaccinium arboreum (Sparkleberry or FARKleberry) is a species of Vaccinium native to the southeastern United States, from southern Virginia west to southeastern Missouri, and south to Florida and eastern Texas.

It is a shrub (rarely a small tree) growing to 3-5 m (rarely 9 m) tall. The leaves are evergreen in the south of the range, but deciduous further north where winters are colder; they are oval-elliptic with an acute apex, 3-7 cm long and 2-4 cm broad, with a smooth or very finely toothed margin. The flowers are white, bell-shaped, 3-4 mm diameter, with a five-lobed corolla, produced in racemes up to 5 cm long. The fruit is a round dry berry about 6 mm diameter, green at first, black when ripe, edible but bitter and tough.

----

So, now you know.

FARKleberry... :)

This is SPAAAAAARTAAAAA!!!!

Little sis no. 2 left a note on my door a couple of days ago. It's the school holidays and she's bored out of her skull (as usual).




Then, she left another drawing on my door today:




How cute :)

I suppose both Leonidas and V ended up in hell, then...

What's on top of your monitor?

One of the biggest problems with LCD monitors is that you can't put your toys and action figures on top of them - simply because they're too narrow.

Which is why I'm glad my company is too cheapskate to buy new LCD monitors for the office. This is what the top of my monitor currently looks like:

Old monitors: good display cabinets

Starting from the left, I've got a solar-powered "Maneki Neko", a Tomy Flip Flap solar-powered plant, two Kiwi tiki dolls behind it, a dancing hamster that sings Kung Fu Fighting, a Tomy Bit Char-G remote controlled Ferrari F40 in front of it, an AV-98 Ingram Unit 2 from Patlabor, the remote control for the Bit Char-G behind it and Asamiya Athena and Mai Shiranui from the King of Fighters series.


The latest addition to my collection is the AV-98 Ingram. It's part of the Revoltech series of action figures made by Kaiyodo. It's a fully posable figure with ball joints all over the place, which is good.


bang!

If you've not seen the Patlabor TV series before, I highly recommend it. It was one of the pioneering Anime in the late 80s and early 90s, and had a huge pool of talent working on it - including Mamoru Oshii of Ghost in the Shell fame.

Unlike most other robot Anime of the time, the show was written largely for an adult audience and had rather sophisticated humour and themes. Plus, its cute to see big ass robots doing mundane stuff like directing traffic and helping old ladies cross the street.

Anyway, what's on YOUR desk? :)

Music Reviews #1

I'm not exactly the biggest music fan on the planet, but I do like my music. And I also have a bad habit of actually buying original CDs (Yes, they do sound better than the stuff you download off the net half the time).

Without further ado, here are a couple of the latest music CDs I've bought:

Album: The Cream of Clapton
Artist(s): Eric Clapton, Derek and the Dominoes, Cream.
Price: RM30-something, I think



Yes, I realise that this compilation was first available in 1994 - but then again, I'm not exactly Mr Current Affairs either...

I've been on a bit of an Eric Clapton craze lately and have been listening to shiteloads of stuff - mostly from his post-UNplugged/Tears-in-heaven days. And I liked it, except that most music snobs would tell me, "Bah... Clapton's best songs were before he became clean. When he was still doing drugs and shit."

"Really?" I said.

"Yes. Especially the original recording of Layla by Derek and the Dominoes," reply the elitist bastards.

"Derek and the what?"

"Look, just buy one of those old compilation CDs and you'll know what I mean."

(Of course, this is only a hypothetical conversation and is more of a summary of many conversations I've had with people whenever I tell them how much I like "Blue Eyes Blue" and the "Clapton Chronicles" CD.)

Anyway, I buy The Cream of Clapton because it's listed on most websites as the best single-CD compilation of Eric's songs prior to cleaning up his act.

And yes, it is a rather brilliant CD - well at least half of it is. It's a good mix of Rock, Blues, Country and Reggae. Yes, Reggae. The best songs are undoubtedly Layla, Badge, Strange Brew, White Room, Bell Bottom Blues, I Shot the Sheriff and Wonderful Tonight.

Apart from having fantastic melodies and some of the best guitarwork ever, it also showcases Clapton's talent at singing. He's not the most acrobatic vocalist in town, but at least his sound is distinctive - you certainly wouldn't mistake him for the 13 million Eddie Vedder soundalikes on the radio today.

But most of all, there's a lot of soul in his music. A lot of feeling. Unlike most of the manufactured garbage on radio these days. Yes, I've become an old fart at the age of 27.

Anyway, buy this album. I highly recommend it.

Most of the other songs are rather forgetful.

------------

Album: Permission to Land
Artist: The Darkness
Price: RM40-something



Yes, I've heard the Darkness on the radio before and liked their songs but never really knew much about them. So imagine my embarrassment when I went around asking for the band's compilation albums (They've only got two albums, in case you didn't know).

Permission to Land is their first album, and what an album it is - it's one of the few albums I've ever bought in which almost every song is excellent! There's enough variation in style and sound to make it interesting enough to listen to repeatedly.

My favourite songs of course are "Love Is Only A Feeling", "I Believe In A Thing Called Love" and "Growing On Me".

Generally, what I like most about the album is that the songs sound happy, as opposed to making you want to jump off a bridge. These are the sort of songs that get your feet tapping and get you pressing the repeat button.

If there's only one problem, it's that The Darkness is no longer the same band - frontman Justin Hawkins has left the band and is now going solo. Haven't heard any of his new songs yet, but I'll look.

And no, he is NOT gay. In spite of the fact that he sounds like a modern Freddie Mercury, sings in a ear-piercing falsetto voice and wears flamboyant catsuits, he is NOT gay. Not gay, I tell you.

Hawkins: Not gay...

Best album I've bought in years. This album came out in 2003, btw, so I'm only four years late on this one :)

I fire some guns...!

The guys at the office were invited to Hari Tentera Darat Ke-74 (That's the 74th Army day to you non Malays speaking people), where members of the media were invited to shoot some guns and to basically muck around with their gear.

Wah... so long!

The thing is, I was expecting to be blown away by firing guns (figuratively, not literally). However, it didn't feel any more menacing than firing a paint-ball gun. I like firing paintball guns, btw - but I was expecting it to be more shiok. Never meet your childhood heroes, I guess....


There was a competition among members of the media - where each team of five faces off with another team to hit down 10 metal plates per team. The first team to finish goes to the next round. Of course, this was very cool :)

Edwin, Ron, Kelly, Ravind and me - preparing for our exit from the shooting competition.


We were beaten by some extreme posers from Berita Harian or something - damn annoying, the bastards wore bandanas, did stretch exercises and had battle cries and shit. All for a simple session in a shooting range. What's even more pathetic was that we lost to them by less than a second. The bastards...

Yes, this post is a little overdue. But rather than write more about it, I've posted it up on YouTube as a video... Enjoy :)